DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother is a very sweet and kind grandmother to my 3-year-old girl. She always has gifts when we visit, asks for new pictures and is very invested in my daughter’s life.
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Each time she writes, “How’s Lucie doing?” I respond with something like, “Lucy is doing well.” She also puts the incorrect spelling on Christmas and birthday gift tags.
Her heart is obviously in the right place, but her spelling is not.
Is this not worth worrying about, since it’s only a nickname? How else can I gently correct her without coming off as rude or offending her?
GENTLE READER: “We know it’s only a nickname, but we’re spelling it ‘Lucy.’ Your version is cute, but we don’t want to confuse her as she gets old enough to spell it herself.”
Miss Manners warns you not to be surprised if Lucy soon comes up with her own inventive spelling — which may or may not include hearts and smiley faces. Or turn out to be “Lucie.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our house uses an electronic door code instead of a key and lock.
Our relatives know the code, from times when they needed to access our home without us there — for instance, picking up supplies for us while we were in the hospital, or getting to the house before us for a dinner when the weather was bad.
Outside of times such as those, when is it acceptable for them to use the code?
GENTLE READER: None times. Because they then transform from helpful relatives to scary intruders.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone comes downstairs in the morning, who should be the one to say “hello” (or “good morning,” etc.) first: the one already downstairs, or the one who comes down and enters the room?
Is it gender-specific? Say, the man comes downstairs and the woman is already there, or vice versa? Or does that even matter?
GENTLE READER: It does not. There is no hierarchy to saying “good morning.” Rather it is the responsibility of the first one who notices the other and preferably makes eye contact.
Surprise greetings from behind when one is making hot coffee or bacon is not, Miss Manners assures you, as cute as you may think.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at work and I had to go to the washroom in a hurry. I happen to have a shy bladder.
A colleague of mine — not one I’m particularly close to — stood outside my stall and started telling me in detail about her latest medical issues and prescriptions.
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Why do people do that? Seems to me silence is golden in a public washroom, and privacy is the order of the day. How would you have handled the situation?
GENTLE READER: By saying, “Sorry, I’m having trouble hearing you. I will be better equipped to listen when I am finished in here.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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