Emotional regulation is a big one, and it will mean empathetically walking kids through feelings that may not be comfortable or convenient for you."Children are not born knowing what to do when they feel angry, sad or hurt," points out Dr. Mikki Lee, Psy.D., a former school psychologist and owner of Clarity Therapy NYC. "Caregivers are there to teach self-regulation by helping them name their feelings, validating those feelings, modeling coping skills, practicing those skills together and repeating the process as often as needed."Dr. Lee says this process lays the necessary foundation for children to self-regulate.
2. Emotional stability and positive self-concept
Curiosity is involved in exploring self-identity. However, Dr. Lisa Strohman, Ph.D.—a clinical psychologist and founder of Digital Citizen Academy—encourages parents and grandparents to see curiosity through a wide lens. "Parents can encourage their children to be curious by asking questions, learning with the child and showing interest in the learning process," Dr. Strohman explains. "Getting children to ask 'Why' and 'How' helps them to think critically and develop an appreciation of learning."
4. To approach failure with a growth mindset
Since failure is unavoidable, it's critical that children learn how to handle mistakes early. Dr. Lee says parents and grandparents can use themselves as an example (which will also teach kids that even the adults they look up to aren't perfect)."Caregivers can narrate their own mistakes and act out how to reflect, repair and learn from the experience without shame," Dr. Lee says. "This process also helps foster resilience in children, as they are more likely to take risks when they know they can handle mistakes."Related: People Who Felt Constantly Criticized as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
6. How to properly apologize and how to accept an apology
Forget the whole adage about "sticks and stones." Dr. Rosemary P. Hodges, Psy.D.—a Phoenix Children’s staff psychologist—stresses that words have power, and parents and grandparents would do well to use theirs wisely."This includes how parents speak about themselves and to their children," Dr. Hodges shares. "Focusing on perceived faults overlooks strengths, which can negatively impact self-confidence. Parents can practice this skill by reframing the negative to the positive and offering constructive criticism."
8. Appropriate social interaction
This skill will serve kids well in social interactions throughout their lives. Dr. Lee explains that it's important to teach it early and at the "foundational level," which will require empathy from caregivers."As their brains develop, children are naturally self-centered," she explains. "Caregivers teach children to tune into other people’s emotions and perspectives and respond compassionately. This is important for children to develop healthy relationships and friendships."
10. All foods are good foods
Dr. Doyle reports this lesson lays the foundation for consent. It may mean telling them it's fine not to hug Uncle Mike, even if he seemingly requires it (he doesn't get to do this)."This is as simple as letting kids decide whether they want to hug someone or choose how to move or rest," she explains. "Encouraging children to speak up about their comfort levels builds confidence in their ability to self-advocate and respect others’ boundaries. These early lessons make it easier to speak up in the future when the stakes may be higher."
12. Your self-worth isn't tied to anything external
Children will develop an internal monologue. Help them create a positive one."Caregivers teach children how to treat themselves with kindness and compassion," Dr. Lee says. "If a caregiver is kind, encouraging and patient with the child, the child is more likely to treat themselves the same way."
14. You can do hard things
Go figure; caregivers can teach this one by being positive role models themselves (a common theme in these life lessons)."A role model is a person who serves as an example by influencing others," Dr. Friedman says. "For many children, the most important role models are their parents and caregivers. The child can learn qualities such as compassion, patience, integrity and humility by observing it from those around them... They can someday become a role model for others—friends and, at some point, children of their own."Related: The #1 Hack To Get Your Child or Grandchild's Attention Without Yelling
16. Responsibility
The No. 1 Thing To Avoid Teaching Your Kid
The number 1 thing to avoid teaching your child is that certain emotions are shameful or not worth addressing. One of the earliest lessons a parent can teach a kid is emotional regulation. However, dismissing these feelings will do the opposite. "The impact, known as an invalidating environment, is a cornerstone of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)," Dr. Friedman explains. "Kids are told that their feelings are inaccurate, not important or reflect personal flaws or manipulation."She suggests avoiding statements like, "That's no big deal" and "Don't be a baby.""When a child receives constant exposure to an invalidating environment and hostile or inconsistent parenting, the child does not know what to expect and can question what they are feeling and how they perceive the world around them," Dr. Lee says. "As a result, the child can have trouble regulating emotions, feel bad about themselves and possibly experience struggles in mental health."How scary is that, not trusting your own feelings because you feel like they're constantly belittled or invalidated? She goes on to explain that if you teach your child to "suppress or dismiss" how they feel, it can lead to them feeling shameful or developing anxiety."It can also lead them to feel disconnected from themselves and others because being vulnerable doesn’t feel safe," she says.Up Next:
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 12 Behaviors
Sources
Dr. Carol A. Friedman, Ph.D., is a psychologist at the Debra Simon Center for Integrative Behavioral Health & Wellness at Hackensack University Medical Center.Dr. Mikki Lee, Psy.D., is a former school psychologist and owner of Clarity Therapy NYC.Dr. Lisa Strohman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and founder of Digital Citizen Academy.Dr. Angela Celio Doyle, Ph.D., is a psychologist and vice president of behavioral health for Equip.Dr. Rosemary P. Hodges, Psy.D., is a Phoenix Children’s staff psychologist. Read More Details
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