Social mixing also benefits well-being, says the study – those with many wealthier friends reported 5 per cent higher happiness levels and 23 per cent higher trust.
If you’ve never been poor, you might assume this is all because rich friends instruct you in the ways of finance or enlighten your mind by introducing you to science, art, poetry and nice restaurants. But not only does that sound like a horribly boring friendship that would be worth remaining poor just to avoid, it’s not quite the point. Of course, socialising with people who are different from you increases your social adaptability, which probably increases your chances of future success in life. It means you can relate to, understand and communicate with a diverse array of people, which is easily the most underrated skill set on LinkedIn.
My mum raised my brothers and I as a single parent and worked as a secretary, then a carer, on low wages supplemented by state benefits.
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My mum was intelligent, kind and extremely hard-working. But when your back is to the wall financially, and you have to work all hours to get the rent paid, you have no choice but to sometimes let your children fend for themselves. I think she just hoped that I would have the discipline and self-motivation to succeed at school. I did not. I was a lazy kid who spent most of my time bored and lonely, whiling away long afternoons in the house while my older brothers and mum were at work. I was a latchkey kid, as were most of my local friends, and the temptation – and opportunity – to sack off studying and live a feral lifestyle was huge.
It wasn’t like I had no experience of the middle classes. My dad was from a working-class background but had elevated himself into the yuppie lifestyle after walking out on us when I was still in nappies. While we got the bus to school dressed in uniform funded by payday lenders, he drove a flashy company car, ate lunch out every day and lived in a posh flat with his new family. When I saw him on weekends or at Christmas, he would expose me to things like broadsheet newspapers or the occasional foreign cheese. But that sort of fleeting sojourn into the world of the newly bourgeoise was alien and intimidating to me. It is your everyday life – not occasional glimpses of other people’s – that defines your reality and forms your sense of identity.
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But I didn’t resent the privilege I saw in my friends’ lives and it was not something any of them rubbed in my face. Rather, it disarmed me to the idea of being somewhat more studious than I would have been otherwise. The stability they enjoyed at home gave them a natural confidence when it came to academia. They helped set a bar for me. I was trying to keep up with them – and, unlike anyone in my own family or down my street – they took it for granted that they would go to university one day.
None of this means that children from working-class homes are less intelligent, less loved or less academically able. And it certainly doesn’t mean that working-class parents are less likely to encourage their children to succeed. But poverty dictates circumstances that are often obstructive to getting the grades you are capable of or the life chances that follow. And if you’re surrounded solely by people in a similar situation, getting good grades and pursuing long-term career ambitions can seem a bit far-fetched.
‘Stop Shitting Yourself – 15 Life Lessons That Might Help You Calm The F*ck Down’ by Sam Delaney is out now in hardback, audiobook and Kindle edition, published by Constable
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