My daughter is in Year 7, and yes, I read her messages. Some parents will call it an invasion of privacy, a sign that I mistrust my child, or even that I am a “helicopter parent“. But I don’t see it like that. Instead, I see scrolling through my daughter’s phone as an act of responsible parenting, as a way to guide her through the minefield that is growing up in the digital age.
The idea that a child, aged 11 years old, whose brain is still in a critical stage of development, should be left to navigate this landscape without any parental oversight is, frankly, naïve. That’s why I monitor my daughter’s phone. Not because I don’t trust her, but because I know that having a phone isn’t always a safe place to hang out.
Children today are growing up in a very different world to that of previous generations, who never had to deal with being constantly connected and constantly available, which is why, after a lot of deliberation about whether to allow our daughter a smartphone or not, we handed her one at the end of Year 6, with very strict Ts & Cs attached.
My husband and I also have parental controls on her device that we can access via our own phones. We set a daily limit (two hours) and a cut off time (7pm), for her phone use; we stop her downloading apps without permission and restrict content, including blocking sites; and we do spot checks and go through her scrolling history and chats on a regular basis – usually every few days.
So far, I have witnessed bullying, children seeking validation on their “fits” (outfits, for the unaware) and artwork, plus 11-year-old boys sending entirely inappropriate images of women, by way of avatars and AI. Many parents may find this shocking, but when kids as young as nine are being exposed to online porn, is it really that surprising?
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Read MoreIgnorance isn’t bliss in these situations, and by keeping tabs I am giving my daughter the tools to make wise decisions and come to me if she feels out of her depth.
Not giving her a smartphone would make life easier for us, but for her, it would feel unfair when all her friends have one and the sad reality is that she would end up excluded from social connections.
Kirsty Ketley is a parenting consultant and freelance writer
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