Self-esteem is understandably low in people who were constantly scolded as children, which can often manifest as the person being their own No. 1 critic. "People who feel as though they were constantly scolded as a child are more likely to think of themselves as not good enough," shares Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "They become highly critical of themselves, mostly out of the habit of needing to be doing better or doing more."
A fear of failure, which results from chronically feeling like a failure, is at the heart of this impossible pursuit of perfectionism."Individuals who show perfectionist tendencies tend to develop a fear of failure because they seek flawlessness to prevent criticism and disappointment, and this behavior results in stress and burnout," Dr. Stratyner says.
4. Overcompensation
The desire to achieve and appear perfect can snowball and manifest as defensiveness."Defense mechanisms, to some extent, shield us from harm," Dr. Leno says. "However, an adult who was excessively scolded as a child may use defensiveness as a primary coping mechanism, making them difficult to be around."6. Communication struggles
Dr. Goldman says that people who felt constantly scolded as children are highly aware of others' critical lens. It can be anxiety-provoking in a Chicken Little, sky-is-falling way (even when the sky is secure)."These individuals might worry often, feel anxious when there is seemingly no need to be anxious," she explains. "They might be more sensitive to the reactions of others and feel a sense of something bad is about to happen."Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say8. Fear of conflict
Another common source of fear? Authority, which can become especially harmful career-wise."Adults may feel intimidated by authority figures, especially in the workplace, often associating guidance with punishment or criticism," Dr. Martinez says.10. Difficulty with emotional regulation
5 Ways To Heal From Lingering Effects of Being Constantly Scolded in Childhood
Dr. Leno notes that you can't work through problems you don't know that you have."You may notice that relationships are short-lived because of constant conflicts," she explains. "Instead of dismissing the criticism, consider making some changes."2. Reflect
Dr. Stratyner explains that these are places where you can express your emotions freely without fear of judgment. Activities you might engage in while in an emotional safe zone include journaling, reading, talking to a friend or attending therapy."These spaces provide a secure environment to experience and express suppressed emotions, which helps reduce your emotional weight," she adds.4. Deliberately break people-pleasing behaviors
No one is perfect, and you deserve some grace. Create it."When you make a mistake in a conversation, like raising your voice or making a hurtful comment, say, 'Can we have a do-over?' and reset the moment," Dr. Stratyner recommends. "This offers both of you a chance to start fresh, reducing the weight of past mistakes and encouraging growth and forgiveness."6. Find a therapist
Up Next:
Related: 6 Ways Being a People-Pleaser Can Ruin Your Relationships, According to Therapists
Expert Sources:
Dr. Arlene Martinez, Psy.D, LMFT, the clinical director of Newport Healthcare Orange CountyDr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., LP, a licensed psychologist with DML Psychological Services, PLLCDr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorDr. Alexandra Stratyner, Ph.D., a psychologist in New York City Read More Details
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